0530 hrs (T-1); new day. Another sleepless and shitty night. The pain is excrutiating. But you want to be a hero, because you can, and well maybe also because you think you are one. For the sake of victory. And for the sake of bragging rights.

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0900 hrs (T-1); you carry on the day like any other. But something inside you stirs. It makes you feel sick. But the hero, must be a hero. You brush it aside and not give up. It will be fine, you tell yourself.

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1200 hrs (T-1); your mind races. You are unable to stomach your lunch. You think about the next course of action. You tremble at the thought of losing it. And in your mind, you want to get it done once and for all. You look for something to ease your mind for the time being and browse through the web for funny videos to ease the pain. For a moment, all seems to be calm.

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1530 hrs (T-1); the thought still lingers. But there is still so much unfinished business at work. You think you can still grind through it. But the thought still lingers, and it eats at your very existence.

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1800 hrs (T-1); EOD. Should you forgo after hour activities for the sake of getting it over and done with? But you are scared, scared to screw people who are counting on you.  Scared to screw over yourself as well. You tell yourself to screw it as well. Maybe it will go away. So screw it.

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2030 hrs (T-1); after hour activities prove to be a temporary respite from the mind. But the issues still persist.

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2115 hrs (T-1); screw it! Seek help.

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2330 hrs (T-1); that escalated quickly. You reside to the fact that there is no turning back now.

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0130 hrs (T-0); transport arrives. Special transport to be precise. Very special indeed.

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0200 hrs (T-0); inside a cramped up office , men (and/or women) in blue onsies deliberate your fate. In your mind you wrestle with yourself, thinking whether have made the right decision or not. Or should you just trust your gut. You look and show calmness on the outside. But on the inside, you are freaking out. Badly. Above all, you just want this to all just go away.

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0400 hrs (T-0); no turning back. Done. Now for the wait. That all too familiar wait...

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0630 hrs (T-0); they put you in a room. Adreneline keeps you from dozing of. The Blue Onsie men (or women) commence the process of deconstruction. You feel something getting pried off, dangling. as it shakes. You hear squirts of liquid and the scrapping of something quite spongy. Squishes and wheezing from equipment. The digging continues. You do not feel any pain because the process is painless. But your imagination gets the better of you as you playback what is happening in real time. What have you done you ask yourself? Will you ever be the same again?

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0745 hrs (T-0); the procedure is over. You are shown the aftermath of the deconstruction. It is no longer recognizable. You cringe in disgust but at the same time in awe. Again you ask, what have you done. The Blue Onsie men's  (or women's) white gowned assistants walk you out like it is another day in the park. You wonder if this is normal. You lie in bed with 5 other people in a small cramp up room. You shake in fear, nervousness, coldness not knowing what to expect next. You just feel like sleeping, and not think about it anymore. Suddenly more people enter . Some are common folk while others, the Blue Onsie men (or women). They ask to see the deconstruction and examine it rougly without any thought or care. After scrutinising it, they ask the white gowned assistants to patch it back up. The assistants reluctantly do.

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0830 hrs (T-0); breakfast. You eat. To forget what just happened. You lie in the cramped up bed space and wonder what would happen next. You close your eyes. To  attempt forget everything that has happened.

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1400 hrs (T-0); you wake.  A little hungry. A porter arrives to pick you up. You get pushed through a series of long corridors on a wheelchair. More Blue Onsie men (and women). And more white gowned assistants. But above all, you wonder where your final destination will be. 

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1405 hrs (T-0); the doors of the lift open. You fix your eyes on what is in front of you and see the numbers 6 and 7, together they make 6-7. Going through the doorway, pass beds,  turning into another bed-filled room, until finally the porter stops in front of an empty bed. You get up from the chair and place your heavy ass on the side of the bed asking yourself what will happen next.

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Welcome to Ward 6-7, my friend...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Jonah Teoh (July - 2019)

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